Laughter IS The Best Medicine

The Rock's Joke Page



Disclaimer:

I take absolutely no responsibility for these jokes whatsoever. I did not create them, I am only providing a means for others to enjoy them. None of the humor on this page is placed here with the intent to offend, hurt, or otherwise be detrimental to others. This page has refrained from ethnic humor for these exact reasons. By viewing this page, you are agreeing to read these jokes at your own discretion. Credit to the original author or supplier has been given when known. Un-credited material is an indication of an unknown source, author, or contributor.



Facts and Quotes

"Please provide the date of your death."
-from an IRS letter
"Resistance is useless! (If < 1 ohm)"
-Anonymous
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
-Dan Quayle
"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce."
-Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper
I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
-Mark Twain
"My wife's on a diet. She used to be so fat every time she got into a taxi the driver rushed her to the hospital."
-Dave Barry
"My greatest fear in life is that no-one will remember me after I'm dead."
-Some dead guy
"I'll keep it short and sweet. Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business."
-Montgomery Burns, THE SIMPSONS
"My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled: 'Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.'"
-Unknown
"Never go to a plastic surgeon whose favorite artist is Picasso."
-Unknown
"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."
-Jack Handey

ID: 175 Category: Funny Stuff   Maturity Rating: PG-13   Format this joke for printing

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This page was last updated 03/14/2016

Copyright © 2011, 2002 – Derek "The Rock" Altamirano – All Rights Reserved, but all wrongs avenged!



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