Laughter IS The Best Medicine

The Rock's Joke Page



Disclaimer:

I take absolutely no responsibility for these jokes whatsoever. I did not create them, I am only providing a means for others to enjoy them. None of the humor on this page is placed here with the intent to offend, hurt, or otherwise be detrimental to others. This page has refrained from ethnic humor for these exact reasons. By viewing this page, you are agreeing to read these jokes at your own discretion. Credit to the original author or supplier has been given when known. Un-credited material is an indication of an unknown source, author, or contributor.



More Two Liners

What is the difference between a harley and a hoover?
The location of the dirt bag.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese.

What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
Quattro sinko.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes, whack, damn. A bad skydiver goes damn, whack.

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way, unique up on it.

What do you call skydiving lawyers?
Skeet.

How are a texas tornado and a tennessee divorce the same?
Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me . . ."

Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was.... Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It is called Wedding Cake.

Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

ID: 228 Category: One Liners   Maturity Rating: PG-13   Format this joke for printing

Back
Contact Me Site RSS Feed Find me on Facebook Follow me on Twitter Find me on MySpace

This page has recorded Hit Counter visitors since 6/1/2003.

The site statistics (including counters) were reset on 6/1/2003

This page was last updated 03/14/2016

Copyright © 2011, 2002 – Derek "The Rock" Altamirano – All Rights Reserved, but all wrongs avenged!



Page generated Wed August 23, 2017 9:31:34 PM UTC  •  Page generation time: 0.014s