Laughter IS The Best Medicine

The Rock's Joke Page


I take absolutely no responsibility for these jokes whatsoever. I did not create them, I am only providing a means for others to enjoy them. None of the humor on this page is placed here with the intent to offend, hurt, or otherwise be detrimental to others. This page has refrained from ethnic humor for these exact reasons. By viewing this page, you are agreeing to read these jokes at your own discretion. Credit to the original author or supplier has been given when known. Un-credited material is an indication of an unknown source, author, or contributor.

Letters To Santa

Dear Santa,

   I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I Really, really want a fire truck this year!

Love, Kenny

Dear Kenny,

   Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.


Dear Santa,

   I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,

   What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the baby-sitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Lego's instead.


Dear Santa,

   I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.

Love, Susan

Dear Susan,

   Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and a nice Cuban cigar.


Dear Santa,

   I really, really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE.



   That whiney-begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work up here. You're getting another sweater.


Dear Santa,

   What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?

Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,

   All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses, and losing all my cash at the craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know!


Dear Santa,

   I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Ivben a good boy all yeer.


Dear Billy,

   Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawn-care specialist. How 'bout I send you a frickin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger; at least HE can spell!


Dear Santa,

   I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,

   Tell your parents to quit blowing the pot smoke in your face.


Dear Santa,

   I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon cards than me. Please see what you can do.

Love, Michelle

Dear Michelle,

   It blows my fucking mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get you something more your speed, like 'Chutes and Ladders."


Dear Santa,

   I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some GI Joe's, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis

Dear Francis,

   Who the fuck names their kid "Francis" nowadays?


Dear Santa,

   Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?

Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,

   Are you that stupid? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping your House this year.


Dear Santa,

   We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love, Marky


   First, stop calling yourself "Marky"; that's why you're getting your ass kicked at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams!


ID: 283 Category: Holiday   Maturity Rating: PG-13   Format this joke for printing

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Copyright © 2011, 2002 – Derek "The Rock" Altamirano – All Rights Reserved, but all wrongs avenged!

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