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The Rock's Joke Page


I take absolutely no responsibility for these jokes whatsoever. I did not create them, I am only providing a means for others to enjoy them. None of the humor on this page is placed here with the intent to offend, hurt, or otherwise be detrimental to others. This page has refrained from ethnic humor for these exact reasons. By viewing this page, you are agreeing to read these jokes at your own discretion. Credit to the original author or supplier has been given when known. Un-credited material is an indication of an unknown source, author, or contributor.

50 Useless Facts

  1. A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
  2. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself.
  3. The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.
  4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
  5. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.
  6. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.
  7. A 2x4 is really 1-1/2 by 3-1/2.
  8. During the chariot scene in "Ben Hur", a small red car can be seen in the distance.
  9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily world wide!
  10. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
  11. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
  12. The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.
  13. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple and silver.
  14. The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan". There was never a recorded Wendy before.
  15. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
  16. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
  17. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.
  18. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA".
  19. The original name for butterfly was flutterby.
  20. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
  21. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
  22. Roses may be red, but violets are indeed violet.
  23. By raising your legs slowly and laying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.
  24. Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
  25. For fun, Charlie Chaplin once entered anonymously a "Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest", and won third prize.
  26. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
  27. Sherlock Holmes NEVER said "Elementary, my dear Watson".
  28. An old law in Bellingham,Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing.
  29. The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.
  30. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
  31. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages them.
  32. In the movie Casablanca, Humphrey Bogart never said "Play it again Sam". What he said was "If you can play it for her you can play it for me, so play it".
  33. It is impossible to lick your elbow.
  34. A crocodile can't stick its tongue out.
  35. A shrimp's heart is in its head.
  36. In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand.
  37. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
  38. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
  39. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
  40. Horses can't vomit.
  41. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
  42. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.
  43. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.
  44. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
  45. If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for US citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
  46. In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
  47. 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts.
  48. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
  49. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
and lastly...
  1. Over 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.

ID: 314 Category: Funny Stuff   Maturity Rating: G   Format this joke for printing

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