Laughter IS The Best Medicine

Men's Classes: classes for men at the local community college. Sign-up on February 30th.

Note: due to the complexity and difficulty level of their contents, each course will accept a maximum of 8 participants only.

Topic 1 -

How to Fill Up the Ice Cube Trays.
Step By Step, With Slide Presentation.

Topic 2 -

The Toilet Paper Rolls: Do They Grow On the Holders?
Round Table Discussion.

Topic 3 -

Is It Possible to Urinate Using the Technique of Lifting the Seat Up and Avoiding The Floor/Walls and Bathtub?
Group Practice.

Topic 4 -

Fundamental Differences Between the Laundry Hamper and the Floor.
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Topic 5 -

The After-Dinner Dishes and Silverware: Can They Levitate and Fly Into the Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.

Topic 6 -

Loss of Identity: Losing the Remote to Your Wife.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Topic 7 -

Learning How to Find Things, starting with Looking In the Right Place Instead of Turning the House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum.

Topic 8 -

Health Watch: Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful to Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tape.

Topic 9 -

Real Men Ask for Directions When Lost.
Real Life Testimonials.

Topic 10 -

Is it Genetically Impossible to Sit Quietly As She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulation.

Topic 11 -

Learning to Live: Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Class and Role Playing.

Topic 12 -

How to Be the Ideal Shopping Companion. Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.

Topic 13 -

How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy: Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries, Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going to Be Late.
Cerebral Shock-Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.

*****Upon completion of the course diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It.

How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way, Unique Up On It.

How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? They Take The Psycho Path

What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall? Dam!

What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A. Stick.

What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese.

What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite.

What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A. Nervous Wreck.

What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Anyone Can Roast Beef.

Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him.

Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers.

Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

Sign in front of a motel in Carson City, NV:

STOP! WE BEAT EVERYBODY!

On an auto dealership's marquee in Southern California, home of the Angels baseball team:

Go Angles!

On the sign for a U-Haul truck rental center in Brooklyn, two lines of text:

PRICES YOU CAN AFFORD
WON'T BE BEAT

Sign over the office drinking fountain:

"Do not pour anything into the fountain. It blocks the water filter and reduces the water pressure."

When I was out in L.A. last year there was a furor on the local radio station regarding a problem with the lighted neon sign at a nearby Black Angus restaurant. Apparently the "g" had burned out.

10. Hey! There's a gift!
9. Well, well, well ...
8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would've fit.
7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.
6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.
5. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!
4. I love it -- but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.
2. To think -- I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.

1. "I really don't deserve this."

This is supposedly a true story.

On July 20,1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 lunar module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon.

His first words after stepping on the moon, "that's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind," were televised to earth and heard by millions.

But just before he reentered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.

On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time -- he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had

died, so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.

In 1938 when he was a kid in a small midwest town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbor's yard by the bedroom windows.

His neighbors were Mr. And Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. "Sex! You want sex?!? You'll get sex when the kid next

door walks on the moon!"

The following were items actually overheard in conversation:

I haven't been ignoring you; I've been prioritizing you.

You're the best thing since sliced tea.

No, those pants don't make you look fatter. I mean, how could they?

When I think of all the people I respect the most, you're right there, serving them drinks.

I love you more today than tomorrow.

"So, is this going to be a musical opera?"

"Can you tell me when my past due amount is due?"

"I think they must put something in food that makes you have to go to the bathroom".

When I remarked that this Friday is the longest day of the year, our receptionist looked puzzled and asked, "You mean it's longer than 24 hours?"

During our recent quarterly division conference call, our division CIO made the following statement: "We do a great job of servicing our customers from the front end, but we must all remember to continue servicing our clients through the back end."

The other morning, two people walked by me on their way to the elevator. One said to the other, "So, where do all these elevators go? Are there other floors?" I laughed so hard milk flew out of my cube neighbor's nose.

One of my Dad's retired friends spends nine months a year in Wisconsin and goes to Florida for the winter. One year, while he was in Florida, he got a call from the police. His neighbor in Wisconsin, who had a key, had entered his home to check that everything was okay with the house. The house was a shambles and he called the police to report a burglary. The police officer reported: "The house appears to have been ransacked." My Dad's friend immediately bought a plane ticket and flew 1000 miles home to discover that the house looked exactly the way it always looks.

I saw this statement about a company's services: "You've taken your first step into a bold new realm that will transform your imagination into a vision."

I work in a bank. An Individual tried to return the stamps she had purchased because they "did not work." The stamps were self-stick, and she was licking the shiny paper that you're supposed to peel off.

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European nation rather than German that was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agree that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in St. Luke's Nursing Home and the editor of "The Cambridge Distorter," told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin bitteys. One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.

The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa and the deaf one said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

He said, "WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!" said the other.

"Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman.

Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE." So they wiggled up close to each other.

"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer.

Yet again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"

With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD - BOTH OF US?"